Surprises

1. i've never been "surprise-birthdayed"
2. who would ever surprise me on my birthday?
3. which birthday would i be surprised on? (because i feel like my first surprise party could be when i'm 80 and the only reason anyone would be surprising me was because they wanted me to DIE from the shock of the SURPRISE. sad.)
4. i don't feel important.. maybe that's why no one's ever cared to surprise me and my 21st birthday was spent with kris, his parents, and his older half-sister. 30's the next probable milestone but i don't have high hopes nor am i enthused about surprises at that age (i speculate, but i suspect i can't be wrong on that).
5. i hope the next surprise i get is NOT being caught off guard because i was expecting something and it never came because someone else came and it's bad news for everyone right now. (it's okay to not understand that.. i struggle to grasp the concept myself. and the fact that i throw my life away with the little decisions i make to lose a little bit of myself on a nearly daily basis.. no wonder i'm broken...)