I Have Decided

1. I will remain single even though I miss you (//edit (12/11/10): I don't just miss you, I'm still in love with you.)
2. I think I just miss you being there for me (since you've been in my life for almost 5 years)
3. It's not easy being so confused. Just like ordering food or deciding what to wear/buy, I keep changing my mind
4. I don't want you to be upset if I get mad if you start seeing someone (and vice versa)
5. I will move on and leave the pieces. This time I'm not going to try to fix you; I'm just going to let you do what you're going to do. I can't change you.. that's the unfortunate circumstance that was our relationship. 

//Addendum: November 12, 2010, 1:26 am

Last night (technically 2 nights ago) a thought crossed my mind. The one thought that reinforced my decision---so average and possibly improbable of becoming reality---was one which goes like this:

I envisioned myself, fast-forward about 10 years in the future, sitting next to Kris' and my son (because I really want a boy!! :D) at night, on my bed, in my room. I was crying. And then this boy, maybe 4 or 5 years old asks me, "Mom, why do you always cry at night?" And that's how I knew! That's how I knew that we wouldn't work out. He does something to hurt me or I'm "too sensitive" and almost every night would end in frustration. I've heard that problems now are even worse once you get married. How terrible would it be for children to see a relationship like that? What kind of example would we set for them? How destructive is it for them to witness divorce and a love gone south? And seriously, who likes seeing their mom cry? So, avoiding the situation would save me from ruining someone else's life while trying to raise them into adulthood and maturity.