blah blah blah....

i'd rather be sick than pathetic.

today was not a good day. i didn't do anything i planned on doing. i want to give up on everything i've ever known. i don't want to otry to be a PA anymore. i don't want to be pushed into medical school anymore. tomorrow after my test i'm going to look into med tech/CLS programs and apply. i don't have anything better to do. maybe tomorrow i'll run or try to work out. i'm tired of being a vegetable and. i hope tomorrow's a better day.
my mantra today has been THERE'S NOTHING FOR ME. I'LL NEVER MAKE IT. NO ONE BELIEVES IN ME. NO ONE LOVES ME. AND NO ONE WILL LOVE ME. I HAVE NOTHING AND I AM NOTHING.

PS: i know i'm depressed because i'm thinking about how good today would've been to die. and how i used to think before of how i could die. the ideas i had the imagination i had. i guess the only thing keeping me from actually doing it is that i'm scared i'm going to miss something worth existing for.