the worst part about me is how i live in sin

when i am challenged and falling fast to my all time low—the first thing i hold onto is sin—it's what i know that i'm comfortable with. i fail miserably with my faith. i always let myself, and my God, down. i feel wretched, again.

when Robert finally gets back, i want/need to tell him:

1. the testing of my faith (by the time you spent in Japan) while in a relationship taught me that i am not the right person i need to be right now—that i can't possibly deserve to be in a relationship when i'm neglecting and turning my back on the one i have with God. 
1. in other words, this relationship has to be over. at least for now.
2. the distance and physical separation from you made me so miserable. i was worried, immature, hurt, jealous, angry, and i felt forgotten and ignored. 
1. i'm not mature enough. everything that could possibly be wrong, is wrong with ME and i cannot bring myself to trust you. 
1. the day you left for Japan, Damian assured me that you would call me.. i was sad/mad you never did
2. the first day you had wifi, we argued.. 
3. i deleted my posts and our relationship from facebook
2. i need at least 4 years to catch up with you.
3. from the past week, by the way i acted in the circumstances i was in, by the way i allowed myself to feel, i learned that i'm not at the same level as you are. 
1. you need someone else, someone who isn't me. and i'm almost compelled to help you find her. (THAT statement was reminiscent of my other relationship with Kris.. not good)