evolution of the breakdown:

my thoughts wander
my mind remembers
my heart aches
my eyes water
i sigh
my eyes close
finally, my tears fall

i still miss you. and i really am sorry. i feel terribly about how i treated you and how i made you feel. i was cruel and selfish. i'd beg your forgiveness if i had the opportunity. however, the opportunity doesn't arise because i don't seek it out. i still feel like i'm not over you. i feel embarrassed that i cannot approach you because you're the one who left me. i really miss you. i'm scared i'll never be able to love anyone because i don't know how to get over you, to let go of "us" and the memories tied up in it. i really just want to forget what happened before 2010. but i hope when you remember me, you think of me fondly. i don't want us to think of each other as monsters.

\\edit: 01/30/13, 5:04pm i specifically miss your smell, your laugh, the way you snore when you sleep, and seeing your first smile of the day when you wake up & your eyes find mine.