"I don't know how to love."

This is what I said this morning. This is the cold, hard realization I've come to: I don't know how to love. Kris and my relationship was muddy, of shoddy construction slapped together with sticks and mud. We didn't have a good foundation and I didn't love him, I loved me. I was selfish. I am selfish. When I can learn to love, like the Beast (in Beauty and the Beast)? If I learn to love, then I will not be doomed to remain an ugly, selfish beast. I want to learn how to love someone with my whole heart, to yield to them especially when I'm angry, to give love and show grace, to put down my pride and my own agenda, to really, really love.

There's blood in my mouth 'cause I've been biting my tongue all week 
I keep on talkin' trash but I never say anything 
And It's bad news 
Baby I'm bad news 
I'm just bad news, bad news, bad news 
I know I'm alone if I'm with or without you 
but just bein' around you offers me another form of relief 
There's a pretty young thing in front of you 
and she's real pretty and she's real into you 

I definitely need to stop looking for "love" and realize I already am loved. Dear God, I need a change in my heart, in my love, in my attitude, in my actions. Take what I have to put it to work for Your glory. Breathe purpose into me—inspire me.

"This is real love: not that we loved God but that he loved us and sent his son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins."—1John4:10