I'm tired.

work is exhausting and i can't complain because it makes me feel guilty. i'm not allowed to feel hurt, and if i do, i'm not allowed to tell anyone about it (at least that's what i learned recently).

it's lonely in barstow and i have to see the 1 person who annoys me the most in the whole wide world (no lie) every single day. my annoyance would boil over one day if i let it. i often get so angry that i imagine strangulation by dental floss—i'm sick, huh?

i feel stuck, like my life is going nowhere. my days are spent in constant, hopeless wait to hear back from a PA school inviting me to an interview. after a long, hard day i come back to the house and have little energy to work on myself and prepare for the interview. i can only eat and then mope, with the dread that this is my life, at least for now, and i have to do it all again tomorrow. oh the drudgery of my mundane, cyclic torment. i need rest and can find none.

i miss someone who i haven't even spoken to in more than a year. tiny memories seep into my everyday and remind me of him, of our past, of how he was my favorite person and best friend. those were the days when i could smile inside and think, "i'm so glad you found me and you never quit pursuing me until i was yours. ahhhhh, this is the life."

i have this retard-o middle school crush on this boy who doesn't think anything of me. this is so dumb and all wrong—who said i could be happy this easily and this simply? it's seemed too good to be true since day 1.

i feel like the best years of my life are behind me. #emoday #hopeless #blahhh