The Pain is in the Letting Go

My hands have probably cramped and locked from being clenched and holding my fist closed so tight!! I've been angry for far too long. And in my heart of hearts, I want to forgive and I want to have peace. My heart can't harbor these ill feelings against him anymore--I'm just not strong enough anymore.

If I know God has forgiven me and has forgotten the sins off my past, how can I be so cruel to still hold a grudge/be angry with a man? Please, Father God, help me forgive. It grieves my heart that when I see a status on facebook about him I immediately delete it. This one was asking friends for monetary support for his family and education.

http://www.gofundme.com/family-education

RIGHT AWAY, I remember the money he borrowed from me, from my student loans, from my parents, from my family from my education. Oh God, I'm SO MAD!! I'm mad that I was hurt by his asking publicly, by his neglect to reconcile with me, by letting me feel abandoned and forgotten.

Upon reading the text within the link, I again feel a heaviness in my heart, but this time of guilt. My heart breaks because he lost Tito Bert, because Tita Ruth has to work so hard because their family is having financial problems. I am moved to donate--but should I? I'll definitely pray about this, because I don't want to give in vain. I don't want to do this JUST SO I CAN FEEL LIKE THE BIGGER PERSON. I want to do it because I love him, because I wanted to show him love--not show him up.

SERIOUSLY?!! THIS is the verse of the day?!!!

If there is a poor man among your brothers in any of the towns of the land that the LORD your God is giving you, do not be hardhearted or tightfisted toward your poor brother. Rather be openhanded and freely lend him whatever he needs.
Deuteronomy 15:7-8  (NIV)