i just want to dance w/ mah baby.
mikey's MUST be there.
easy on the hard laq.
Baby said "no" cuz he's too tired to go. Boooo. So I said we can just go do Vegas, be pool rats and night owls.
Paul said he's not only my boyfriend but is also my girlfriend, meaning I can come to him with all I have on my mind and heart. So I wrote this. I'm reluctant to share with him for fear of him not understanding me despite my unmasked and open disclosure of feelings.
Degradation of hope:
It's not just the literal "stuck", it's the figurative and spiritual and metal "stuck". Today I thought about dying--how it seems like a quick fix to end feeling empty all the time. I have a degree but I work in a job I don't like, living with my aunt who I want nothing to do with. I am a let-down living a life with little freedom and purpose. I also thought of the consequences of death: the people I love would miss me and my funeral would be expensive and behind me I'd leave my educational debt. In all ways, I am burdensome. Most things or tried and pursued have ended in disaster--I don't have a lot to show for myself. So despite how bad I want to escape, I have resolved to continue living unhappily in my everyday life because at least I'll have the hope of tomorrow being a different day than today.
In those days people will seek death but will not find it. They will long to die, but death will flee from them. Revelation 9:6
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